Plot

The story revolves around  two people:

• a man named Captain Software -- a genius programmer with zero social skills.  He doesn't take care of himself, has a notorious passive/aggressive manner, an explosive temper, and creeps out women in the office with gifts.

• A woman named Alexis, who is a Russian mail-order bride and drug addict.  She bilks Captain Software for tens of thousands of dollars before finally flying over to the U.S. to be his bride.  She cleans him up, and fornicates with the neighbors while he's at work.

The Soul Patrol kidnap the wife, and wait for Captain Software to act.  Instead, he chooses to install World Conquerer IV's expansion pack on his computer, and bitch to a friend via instant message.

The Soul Patrol finally end up knocking on his door, and taking him by force. 

In the end, the couple are auctioned off to a rich German businessman. Sean Brown, who rarely attends auctions, observes from the back of the room, glad to witness the fat slob and his wife sold off.

Editors' Comments

TONY SAYS:

"Damian wrote an amazing story here -- it was ahead of its time, with it's descriptions of Captain Software being addicted to a World's of Warcraft type of game, and the slothful nature of a person who sits in front of his computer all day." 

Memorable Quotes

"Can you believe this? Someone kidnapped my wife and wants me to pay $200,000 ... it simply is not cost-effective to pay that money. And I don’t even have that money to begin with. So they could keep her. I don’t want to call the police anyway...." -- Captain Software, IM'ing an online friend

“I’m about to take your fat ass down in one panel, bastard!” -- Sean Brown, while capturing an indignant Captain Software

Character Appearances

Captain Software (first)

Alexis Leostov (first)

Sean Brown

Maria-Antonia de Jesus

Eva Reichensteiner

Richard Wright

The Auctioneer